OneNamedPeter - Cockney Rhyming Slang Lyrics

When I was small
My dad used to tell me
Bedtime stories
In cockney rhyming slang
I can still hear him
Woke up one morning, put on my almond rocks
Walked down the apples and pears and
Got on the dog and bone while I lit an oily rag...

Uncle George was handsome and elegant
He built me a fantastic doll's house
I gave it to my mum's friend Maureen
Who had a handicapped child called Julie
Aunt Jess gave me a QPR badge
I've still got it to this day, Jay

You'll never guess what... Rolf Harris fancied my mum
He'd serenade her, 'Patty I love you...'
As for me, well, you'll never guess
I was once pursued by a Great Train Robber!
Eventually I agreed to go for a drink
And he only bought his mum!
(Lovely woman, I have to say)

Anyway, getting back to mum
She told Rolf what to do
With his didgeridoo
Well, you would, wouldn't you?

As for dad, my hero, my bete noir
Woke up one morning, put on my almond rocks
Walked down the apples and pears and
Got on the dog and bone while I lit an oily rag...
You're having a giraffe...

Goodnight, sleep tight
Goodnight, sleep tight