Since many of Alex G's songs tell stories of people ruining themselves, I believe this is one of those. He's describing the feeling of being so far gone into substance abuse that you consciously don't want to get better. He talks about staying behind with his addiction and pushing away someone he loves in order to protect them from heartbreak because he knows he has no plans to change. Finding comfort in the warm embrace of being high, which he refers to as his "big cloud". He's sabotaging himself due to his fear of change. He isn't willing to heal for this person, so he lets them know he still cares for them deeply although he cared for his addiction more. The mindset that he is undeserving of whatever this person has to offer him causes him to choose the high over real love.
