Ironic - Real Lyrics

I don't know if its real I don't know what to feel
I been choking up still and I'm over the chills
I still talk to the devil were close to a deal
Find me roasting a bill shit I don't need no pills
I think about quitting they hope that I will
Listen to these words when I go like a will
I'm broken there's kids out there quoting me still
Lost focus but that's how I know that its real
Just said goodbye to my brother
Wish i was there more but we ride for each other
Hate watching the family try to recover
Rest in peace Mac I aint finding another
High off some uppers I'm thinking of you
I guess that's what that drinking'll do
Spaced out as I sit in a room
With some people I'm so fucking different to
Not in the mood to get out of bed
Popping some shrooms to get out my head
They want me to lose, all I got is a noose
If I use it then I won't feel left out again
Pass me a pen imma write till I can't
Don't ask me again imma die for this art
I might need a mask just to hide all these scars
I look up I still see your eyes in the stars
Find me a glass let me pour up
Having visions of my team on a tour bus
Crowds growing we show up in numbers
So try all you want but you just can't ignore us
Been fighting and trying to stand on my feet
I only fit in when I'm handed a beat
Or on stage cause I'm used to them staring at me
I'm an outkast for life I don't care what they think

How could I ever trust someone else when I don't even trust my self
How could I ever love someone else when I don't even love myself
How could I ever trust someone else when I don't even trust my self
I don't trust myself

That's real now I gotta trap for a meal
Tell me relax and I will
When I'm back to the bills with my back to the bills
No cap in my tracks I just rap what i feel
Don't switch for the wave
Been up drifting for the days
Aint made shit but mistakes
Face laid in the dirt I can say how the bitumen tastes
Cause I watch as they're digging my grave
She tells me she wanna know me but I look in her eyes and I feel like I know her already
Feel nothing I'm staying low-key except when I'm with her but she doesn't know if she's ready
So I aint staying sober its petty I know
But when are demons are close, it gets heavy
They all laughed when I said I had places to go
Tried to shine but the coach wouldn't let me
I'm done with the stress, its been up to my neck
Can't escape it, I wake and I'm covered in sweat
Should I jump off the edge cause I'm stuck in my head
And the voices make me think I'd love to be next
And I would tho
Somedays I wish that I could go
They can't read my mind but they should know
The pain's deep inside if you look close
I'm all good tho
I try sleep to distract myself
I can't eat I got packs to sell
Don't speak to a rat cause a rat has a rat to tell
I can't stop but you won't ever see me trapped in cells
Back to hell
That's where I'm living everyday
Consider me deranged, thoughts riddling my brain
They don't listen to my pain its like I didn't even say shit
Ever since 8 I knew I'd never be the same kid