Tom Lehrer - It Makes a Fellow Proud to Be a Soldier Lyrics

The heart of every man in our platoon must swell with pride
For the nation's youth, the cream of which is marching at his side
For the fascinating rules and regulations that we share
And the quaint and curious costumes that we're called upon to wear

Now Al joined up to do his part defending you and me
He wants to fight and bleed and kill and die for liberty
With the hell of war he's come to grips
Policing up the filter tips
It makes a fellow proud to be a soldier

When Pete was only in the seventh grade, he stabbed a cop
He's real RA material, and he was glad to swap
His switch-blade and his old zip-gun
For a bayonet and a new M-1
It makes a fellow proud to be a soldier

After Johnny got through basic training, he
Was a soldier through and through when he was done
Its effects were so well rooted
That the next day he saluted
A Good Humor man, an usher, and a nun

Now Fred's an intellectual, brings a book to every meal
He likes the deep philosophers, like Norman Vincent Peale
He thinks the army's "Just the thing"
Because he finds it "Broadening"
It makes a fellow proud to be a soldier

Now Ed flunked out of second grade and never finished school
He doesn't know a shelter-half from an entrenching tool
But he's going to be a big success
He heads his class at OCS
It makes a fellow proud to be a soldier

Our old mess sergeant's taste buds had been shot off in the war
But his savory collations add to our esprit de corps
To think of all the marvelous ways
They're using plastics nowadays
It makes a fellow proud to be a soldier

Our lieutenant is the up and coming type
Played with solders as a boy, you just can bet
It is written in the stars
He will get his captain's bars
But he hasn't got enough boxtops yet

Our captain has a handicap to cope with, sad to tell
He's from Georgia, and he doesn't speak the language very well
He used to be, so rumor has
The dean of men at Alcatraz
It makes a fellow proud to be
What as a kid I vowed to be
What luck to be allowed to be a soldier
At ease!