Dave Taylor - Clever People Lyrics

When caveman lusted after cavewoman
And wanted her back in his lair
He'd grunt three times, club her over the head
And drag her homewards by her hair
I'm sure to explain this social phenomenon
On the scene there would descend
Some bearded pratt of A consultant sociologist
Talking out of his rear end

Aren't you glad we've got these clever people
Fond of the echo of their own voice
Saying "trust in us we are the experts
God's gift to the human race
We can hold forth on A given situation
On A radio program or on TV
Available for A consultation
For A consultation fee"

Now much more recently they gave of the opinion
That the world was definitely flat
Or all these Australians would be hanging onto trees
To stop them falling off the map
If you sail that ship you'll fall off the edge
Before you've travelled very far
Don't say I didn't warn you, better stay at home
You're safer exactly where you are

And when you were ill, received medical opinion
Adamant about the state you're in
Said "we're the physicians, we'll improve your condition
By the application of leeches to your skin
These wonderful creatures have healing features
That will help to pull you through
And if they don't it's probably A virus
And there's very little we can do..."

Aren't you glad we've got these clever people
Fond of the echo of their own voice
Saying "trust in us we are the experts,
God's gift to the human race
We can hold forth on A given situation
On A radio program or on TV
Available for A consultation
For A consultation fee"

Now this war with Germany will be over by Christmas
Any fool can see that's true
There won't be time for digging trenches
We'll be in Berlin in A week or two
We know this Adolf Hitler's misunderstood
His potty training was really naff
He's just stopping off to smell the flowers
This piece of paper tells me he's an awfully nice chap

Now this young lad who comes from Memphis
Who everyone goes on about I'll eat my hat
If he lasts more than A month or two
Especially with A name like that
And these four lads from Liverpool
They can't sing or play in A million years
Don't make me laugh
A flash in the pan, A storm in A teacup
THis egg on my face won't seem to come off

Aren't you glad we've got these clever people
Fond of the echo of their own voice
Saying "trust in us we are the experts
God's gift to the human race
We can hold forth on A given situation
On A radio program or on TV
Available for A consultation
For A consultation fee"

There is no hurricane, expect calm weather
Beef is completely safe to eat
There's rings around Uranus
We're heading for an ice age
The world is going to overheat
There's an asteroid coming, we're entering A black hole
We're doomed Mr Mainwaring, don't panic
You'll never need more that one megabyte of memory
You're as safe as houses on the good ship Titanic

I think that at this juncture it's A reasonable assumption
At the end of the day we have A bona fide case
I've made it absolutely clear before
Be reassured it's set in concrete
So I'll make it absolutely clear again
In order to equalise we need to score A goal
Using broad brush strokes at this point in time
In A drowning situation in A civilised society
Bullshit baffles brains every time

Aren't you glad we've got these clever people
Fond of the echo of their own voice
Saying "trust in us we are the experts
God's gift to the human race
We can hold forth on A given situation
On A radio program or on TV
Available for A consultation
For A consultation fee"