Neonblack - tommy. Lyrics

January '92 my momma made a big mistake and
Now I'm here I guess that's one she can't replace and
I'm never satisfied I wish that I was more complacent
I... fuck - I used to wish that I was born a "Jason"
It's hard to live when you really hate yourself and
Can't forgive what you've been taught is selfish thinking
I can't control my thoughts I really think I'm overthinking
How could I be bad at math
When I AD
In HD
So many thoughts a minute
And only half are crazy
All intrusive
I dream in lucid
Maybe that's why I only have nightmares
I ain't scared
Of a night terror
What's more terrible than
Reality?
Barely bearable
I crave a fantasy
Just like America
Believe the fallacies
I only pray to God
In case emergency
I got trust issues
And I don't think I earned them
Niggas lie too much
The truth just don't concern them
I don't believe in bridges
And so I always burn them
This negro speaks of rivers
I feel like nat turner
I never owned a burner
Was once in handcuffs
Did not know what to do
Thank god I've known rivers
I felt like Langston Hughes
I have known fathers
I have just one mother
I have like no causes
For me to love my brothers
I'm talking those with that dark skin
Big nose that's my complexion
Or anyone that claims to have my sex and
I mean to embrace that what is masculine
We gotta do better
These are our fellow humans
They are the gods among us
They can bring us life
Even if we didn't want it

I didn't want this
I didn't ask to be born
I'm feeling haunted
I feel my soul has been worn
I never wanted
I never wanted to feel like this
I never wanted to feel at all

I just wanna be alone
Used to really want a home
But I don't really know
Never learned from my wrongs
Think I want to know
What it's like to feel love
Or feel loved

I am a sequel
I don't believe in great men
I am they equal
October '92 my momma birthed a great man
King of dichotomy
I was really raised to believe in this statement
Why nobody father me?
I guess that's why my teachers looked at me like I was different
Don't try to son me
I got dad and I love him
I'm speaking on childhood
And reasons my brain don't work too good
Anger problems like scars from the hood
Anxiety hijacks the brain
Too much of mental patient to ever gang bang
Or be affiliated
Too whitewashed for the black kids felt like they really hated
Too much of a nigga for nerds identity a bitch ain't it?
Too feminine for the family to get
That I don't suck on no dicks
Too sensitive I don't like insults, roast, or riffs
My self-esteem is low
I have suicide
In the back of mind
Like all the time
It's just a thing that I cope with
Hoping I don't quit
'till I make a masterpiece
It's funny I don't even believe in a legacy
I didn't want this
I didn't ask to be born
What is my purpose?
I didn't think I had one
I heard a fly buzz before I died
Maybe that's why
In life
I had glasses over my eyes
So I could see
That with wings
You can rise
But you're still low in comparison to the almighty sky
And I never wear white
They told me black is evil
Want me to hate my people
I only hate myself
I'll stay clad in pink
The softest thing can tell
That I don't really think
That we deserve this hell

I didn't want this
I didn't ask to be born
I'm feeling haunted
I feel my soul has been worn
I never wanted
I never wanted to feel like this
I never wanted to feel at all

I just wanna be alone
Used to really want a home
But I don't really know
Never learned from my wrongs
Think I want to know
What it's like to feel love
Or feel loved