Sauce Is Matisse - Save Myself Lyrics

I'm praying the darkness all will leave me
Been waiting to solve it, but I'm knee deep
So I'm creating this raucous unapologetic
Art of cacophonous harmonies to keep peace
Seeking to add it to quiet under my eyelids
I'm tryna paint a masterpiece in silence
My canvas and I are vivid and bright unless
The light's dimming, I'll light a lighter, listen to life
And let your pain go, let your faith go
I'm staying on it so my enemies remain close
I'm staying honest, soulful remedy, I'll lay low
But I've been conscious of my conscience, center stage though
You've seen my face, no fear of fate
Any mirrors stained, irritating, I'ma stare away
What I'm here to say? It's clear as day
I won't ever break, and if hell's to pay, I'll get carried away

I can't obey the bottom, I've forgotten what I wanted
I'm sorry, apology's not in the contract
I thought I'd be a walking nobody, but I'm a mockery talking
And honest to God, I don't want that
So I'll save myself, I'll save myself
And you can save yourself too
I'll save myself, I'll save myself
And if you don't, then to hell with you

Y'all, I been acting real odd, and in fact I feel off
Unimpassioned zeal, opposite of facts, I feel false
I'm on a path surreal, lost, unimaginable
Even though I keep it Sauced, I'm Matt and Matisse, draw
I'm wishing half these feels
Woulda given me anything inching past this will
With the passion I'm mental, thinking I'm batshit, still
It's a fact that I'm living riddled with Catholic guilt
And it's hard for me, but it's part of me
Couldn't have fashioned the artist's art if it was apart from me
Couldn't imagine the honest heart's admission of hardened grief
If all I did was waltz in beaming, golly gee I've been awful mean
But I'm about breadth, I'll take a loud breath
This is my outlet, listen in to my sound sets
I've been around wrecking hours underground
Dissing doubters, pissed, empowered, lip devours any sound sense

Dare I escape my hell?
Cherish the pain I've felt?
See I was raised so well
But there's something inside of me yelling "save myself!"