Dave Taylor - Eastbourne Viagra Blues Lyrics

Well, I woke up this morning
With a twinkle in my eye
Well I woke up this morning, spring in my step, glad to be alive
Though I was 92 last week, doctor gave me these pills
Which made me feel like I'm 25

No more afternoon naps now, Doris
No more gentle strolls along the prom
No more moaning about the price of things
No more playing bowls from this moment on
Cos I'm a testosterone fuelled rocket
Ugh! I'm a sex machine so turn me on

Gonna head on down to Eastbourne, Doris
Like that Bionic Man, I've been remade
Gonna head on down to Eastbourne, Doris
Where everyone is 85 in the shade
Though they call it the Costa Geriatrica
Those passionkiller Marks and Spencers knickers
Ain't gonna stop me getting my wicked way

No more of them toasted teacakes
Wave goodbye to those buttered "scewnes
No more of them toasted teacakes now
Say goodbye to those buttered "scewnes
that's how they say 'scones' in Eastbourne
No more delicate bone china teacups
Gonna spew up my 15 pints of rotweiler lager in the road

Gonna throw way that zimmerframe, babe
I think I'm seeing red
I'm gonna listen to that sound of shattering glass
Gonna kick in someone's head
Cos I shot a man in Brighton
Cos he wouldn't speak up so I could hear what he said

Won't you squeeze my teabag
Till the juice runs down my chins
Squeeze my teabag
Till that juice runs all down my chins
Got that lead back in my pencil
And that zing back in my dingaling

Because my doctor's given me these pills, now
Feel like I'm born again
My doctor's given me this Viagra pills
Old John Thomas will rise again
Ooh I say
So I'm off on my club 85/100 holiday
Silver shaggers here we come