Hot Dad - Just Tell Me What Font to Pick (When I'm Making Websites for Kids) Lyrics

Got this big job contract, oh yes
"Can you make cool website for kids?"
"They gotta stick around, yeah, it's gotta be bliss
Hey, I'm tellin' you again, it's a website for kids"

I told 'em no problem, it's okay, I rock
This kid-stuff is easy and I'm totally on top
Sea creatures, bubbles, colorful beepers
Monster trucks, fanny packs, epic cool preachers

Can I use unlicensed characters from films?
I'm just asking the question, I'm not saying I will
My ultimate goal, and I promise you this
To make a great and functional website for kids

I'll design with Skeuomorphs, and make it intuitive
I'll show these kids who the design king truly is
I'm makin' it happen, I've got so much to flaunt
But oh shit, I'm stuck, I can't pick out a font

(Things are just not going my way, ugh)

Just tell me what font to pick when I'm making websites for kids
Please help, I've got a real big list, gotta narrow it down for this
In over my head a bit, but I'm gonna find the ultimate kid-friendly font
Wanna get the clicks, and make a site that appeals to kids

I take a break and I grab a snack
I do some yoga, and draw a hot bath
When my head is clear, I'm back at the computer
Gotta make a cool site for these younger users

I'm scrolling through the list, but nothin' fits
I assumed medieval fonts would be perfect for kids
Calibri don't work, courier is shit
I add a surfboard, some chips and myriad dips

A bitcoin market, yeah, "great for kids!"
But what font do I use? I'm getting tired of dead ends
I add a cute soldier and a badass fish
I think, "solving this problem is my ultimate wish"

I gaze to the Lord of Fonts in the sky
Yes, I whisper a prayer, a desperate cry
Suddenly, I'm greeted, surprise, by a dancer
I assume, "hey some wisdom, an arrival of answers"

I'm not gonna tell you what font to use
You'd better get with the times, you'd better find what's new
A design battle in a colosseum
If you figure out my clues, then my friend, you've won

I end the call, my heart is racing
I'm punching my brain, it's the answer I'm chasing
They say a dancer appearing is a real good omen
I've got it, eureka, I'll use Times New Roman!

We love that font, we use it a bunch
We need it in our lives, we just can't get enough
Excitement and delight when we're visiting your
Website

Times New Roman is awesome

Just tell me what font to pick when I'm making websites for kids
Please help, I've got a real big list, gotta narrow it down for this
In over my head a bit, but I'm gonna find the ultimate kid-friendly font
Wanna get the clicks, and make a real nice site for kids

Just tell me what font to pick when I'm making websites for kids
Please help, I've got a real big list, gotta narrow it down for this
In over my head a bit, but I'm gonna find the ultimate kid-friendly font
Wanna get the clicks, and make a site that appeals to kids

I found the right font for kids