The Neverending Mixtape, Slbls, 724x, Agee Flame - Remnants Lyrics

If there's a god, I wanna talk to him
I got questions that need answers
If he's real, how's my mom doing
Was it his fault that she stopped moving
Was he involved when she got flew in
To the hospital, did he even care
That her brain's ruined and that the doc knew it
Could he have got her heart beating when it gave out
Was he around when my family had a breakdown
When they found out that she ain't got a way out
Explain how, she's in a better place now
Cause heaven ain't shit when life is a gift
And death is ascent to a rain cloud
Does he know how the grief sounds
Pleading so foul that it's all drowned
By screaming so loud that it's all howls
Don't say that it's okay, or he works in his own way
No words that could explain
It hurts and it feels fake
I'd pray if it turned fate
But saying it won't change
This doesn't deserve praise
So someone tell me why I'm begging
Tell me why I never even cried or got to say goodbye
Give me a reason, give me a name, give me a second chance
Give me a way to stop the pain, let me just make amends
Give me her back, give me a hug
Give me a smile. Give me the love
Give me awhile before I'm me again
My mother once told me she was pregnant
I was only seven, a sister sent from heaven
She told me she was on week seventeen
But by week twenty-two my sister was a revenant
I live my entire life with survivor guilt
Youngest of five but sometimes it just feels like I was built
As a reminder that she ain't make it
The more I think about it, the further I get anxious
I don't wanna hate a father figure who live in the sky
But it's funny some are blessed and others hanging to dry
Tell me why, a child needs to die
Original sin ain't even a twinkle in their eye
I do surmise religion's filled with lies
Or if it's the truth, nobody know the guy
I walk around with a big question
What's stopping me from ending my life with a big weapon
What's stopping me from leaving the earth and ending the curse
The only thing I have is my family and these words
That you listen to
So I thank you all for helping me see the vision through
I'm feeling invincible
I had a dream that the sun was blinding
As I adjusted to the light, looked around, grasped surroundings
Lucid as a was I couldn't see but was astounded
Now I'm drowning
No pain or regretful thoughts, just silence
Beautiful waves of light have halted me
From the slow descent of beauty and bliss
But for some reason I turned I felt something amiss
Dark webs slowly caressed my goosebumps beckoning
As if I had choice whether I wanted to live
I've never felt such prickling on the back of my neck
But now I'm in the kitchen and I'm having a snack
Swatting the gnats all bigger than a baseball cap
Now it's a warzone
Not like a pen to the pad, it's more like a family at home
Now it all makes sense
The sun showed I was blinded by a past of regret
The ocean was a potion for healing in the end
Vast optimism, but I couldn't shake the feeling
All the wounds I've vanished were never disappearing
They were growing, a constant annoyance
But I couldn't see from what so I swatted
Enjoying the thought that I was improving
Rid of nuisance
Until I looked in the mirror and saw the problems were bigger
And my actions were useless
Self abusive

If there's a god, I wanna talk to him
I got questions that need answers
If he's real, how's my mom doing
Was it his fault that she stopped moving
Was he involved when she got flew in
To the hospital, did he even care
That her brain's ruined and that the doc knew it
Could he have got her heart beating when it gave out
Was he around when my family had a breakdown
When they found out that she ain't got a way out
Explain how, she's in a better place now
Cause heaven ain't shit when life is a gift
And death is ascent to a rain cloud
Does he know how the grief sounds
Pleading so foul that it's all drowned
By screaming so loud that it's all howls
Don't say that it's okay, or he works in his own way
No words that could explain
It hurts and it feels fake
I'd pray if it turned fate
But saying it won't change
This doesn't deserve praise
So someone tell me why I'm begging
Tell me why I never even cried or got to say goodbye
Give me a reason, give me a name, give me a second chance
Give me a way to stop the pain, let me just make amends
Give me her back, give me a hug
Give me a smile. Give me the love
Give me awhile before I'm me again
My mother once told me she was pregnant
I was only seven, a sister sent from heaven
She told me she was on week seventeen
But by week twenty-two my sister was a revenant
I live my entire life with survivor guilt
Youngest of five but sometimes it just feels like I was built
As a reminder that she ain't make it
The more I think about it, the further I get anxious
I don't wanna hate a father figure who live in the sky
But it's funny some are blessed and others hanging to dry
Tell me why, a child needs to die
Original sin ain't even a twinkle in their eye
I do surmise religion's filled with lies
Or if it's the truth, nobody know the guy
I walk around with a big question
What's stopping me from ending my life with a big weapon
What's stopping me from leaving the earth and ending the curse
The only thing I have is my family and these words
That you listen to
So I thank you all for helping me see the vision through
I'm feeling invincible
I had a dream that the sun was blinding
As I adjusted to the light, looked around, grasped surroundings
Lucid as a was I couldn't see but was astounded
Now I'm drowning
No pain or regretful thoughts, just silence
Beautiful waves of light have halted me
From the slow descent of beauty and bliss
But for some reason I turned I felt something amiss
Dark webs slowly caressed my goosebumps beckoning
As if I had choice whether I wanted to live
I've never felt such prickling on the back of my neck
But now I'm in the kitchen and I'm having a snack
Swatting the gnats all bigger than a baseball cap
Now it's a warzone
Not like a pen to the pad, it's more like a family at home
Now it all makes sense
The sun showed I was blinded by a past of regret
The ocean was a potion for healing in the end
Vast optimism, but I couldn't shake the feeling
All the wounds I've vanished were never disappearing
They were growing, a constant annoyance
But I couldn't see from what so I swatted
Enjoying the thought that I was improving
Rid of nuisance
Until I looked in the mirror and saw the problems were bigger
And my actions were useless
Self abusive